


i only show you my inhuman

by pisslord97



Category: Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Recreational Drug Use, adding tags for later, will update tags as i write
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-13 14:40:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28905009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pisslord97/pseuds/pisslord97
Summary: Schlatt never meant to fall in love. He never thought hecouldfall in love. Then he does, with his friend from across the sea. And suddenly, there is no sea between them. Wilbur seems eager to visit his internet friend, causing Schlatt to have some gay panic.Wilbur is lonely. More than lonely, he's depressed. Quarantine sucks the life out of him, as he spends days and days alone at home. He needs someone, and decides for some reason... Schlatt is his choice. He's a kind friend, Wil knows that, but it feels like there may be something more to his decision.Song title from Nervous Young Inhumans by Car Seat Headrest
Relationships: Jschlatt/Wilbur Soot
Comments: 26
Kudos: 237





	1. Chapter 1

Schlatt was a little gay.

It took him a long time to admit that. He knew he wasn’t... straight, but he didn’t want to pick a label either. And then came along his friends. The support they showed, even through jokes and memes, caused Schlatt to... think. And slowly he came to terms with the idea. His gay jokes that he made, well, weren’t just jokes anymore. He let people know that, kinda. It was hard to tell when he was in a bit, when he was joking. But it was fun.

Then he made new friends. They were still nice, still so kind, but they... wouldn’t know about the half-guarded secret Schlatt kept. They were great friends, amazing content creators, like him. He appreciated them a lot, and loved that he kept gathering more in his life. But then came a particular new friend. One that made Schlatt’s heart flutter, though he wouldn’t admit it. A particularly pretty boy, who wasn’t making things easy for Schlatt, by constantly making flirty jokes. Sure, he made those jokes with everyone, but he couldn’t know how it secretly got to Schlatt. That damn brit, Wilbur Soot.

They started talking just for content, through mutual friends. Then they talked more. Wil was a really interesting guy, and Schlatt loved it. He was sometimes chaotic, and unpredictable, causing Schlatt some shock when Wil went as far with some jokes as he did. There was something to be said about his dedication to the bits. Like the one where he broke his window, or they talked meaninglessly for as long as they could to annoy their other friends on stream. Slowly they began talking offstream too. No recording equipment, no video games. Just them. And Schlatt felt like he was dying.

Even when there was nobody else in the call, Wil would continue the teasing, flirty jokes. Schlatt was glad his webcam was off most of the time, sure that his blush would give him away. It was strange how much time they spent on call together, telling jokes that nobody else would hear, parted by an ocean and hours of time. It was amazing.

“God, wouldn’t it be great if you came here?” Schlatt remembered Wil asking that once, late at night. It had to have been almost 5 AM for him, and Schlatt could tell he was getting tired, sleepily slurring his words as they talked.

“Like I would come to your backwards country,” Schlatt joked then, chuckling a little at himself. “You need some sleep Wil.”

“Don’t avoid the question, Schlatt,” Wilbur sighed. There was an edge to his voice, as if Wil... really cared about it. Schlatt’s face blushed at the thought, the idea behind it.

“It would, Wil. It’d be great to bully your lanky ass in person,” Schlatt couldn’t say a single thing without a joke behind it in some sense. It was a defense mechanism, he supposed. Thankfully, it earned a laugh.

“It’s a date then,” Schlatt could hear the smile in Wilbur’s voice.

“Wait what? I didn’t agree to actually go,” he laughed nervously. “Plus I literally can’t, with the... state of things.” The idea certainly excited Schlatt though. Excited him, and scared him. How obvious would it be, in real life, that his jokes weren’t simply jokes? How easily would he be able to hide how he felt about Wil? He shook the thought out of his head. He didn’t feel something for Wilbur, he kept trying to convince himself that. The dude was just pretty. And funny. And interesting. And made Schlatt happy.

“What if I came there instead?” Wil mused, with sleep in his voice. “I’ve been tested. I think I can get through all the hoops, honestly.”

“That’s... a lot of work Wilbur,” Schlatt was shocked. Clearly... Wil really wanted to see Schlatt. “This is the first time you’ve brought this up, but you sound so sure about it.” Wilbur hummed at that, like he wasn’t expecting Schlatt to pick up on it.

“We’ve been friends for a while, don’t you think?” Suddenly Wilbur sounded more awake. “Just... would you believe me if I said that this whole... quarantine thing is getting to me?”

“Well, yeah, it’s... been getting to a lot of people,” Schlatt sat up in his seat. Wilbur sounded so serious. And he was opening up to Schlatt, so he wanted to listen. “I would be lying if I said it hasn’t been getting to me too.”

“So don’t you want to see a friend? Just be there _with_ someone?” Wil’s voice sounded tight, like he might cry.

“Yeah I... yeah I do. I’m just wondering why you chose me,” Schlatt laughed softly, trying to dissolve some of the tension he felt. Wilbur was quiet for some time, thinking about what to say. Clearly there _had_ to be a reason though, right? “I mean, you’ve got plenty of friends in your country Wilbur, like Phil or the SootHouse gang, right?”

“Guess I just want to see you,” Wil hummed. It was a simple answer, but it sounded like there was so much behind it. Schlatt bit down the questions, and the jokes he wanted to make.

“Alright,” Schlatt shrugged, though his heart was beating loudly in his chest. “If you want to go through the hoops, it sounds great. I’ve got an extra room since I live alone now. Besides the pope,” he joked. Thankfully, Wil laughed. They cracked a few more jokes, some loopy conversation, before Wil was unable to stay up any longer. There were quick good-nights, and then the call ended. And Schlatt was left staring at the quiet DMs, soft whir of his computer the only thing he could hear.

That was about three weeks ago. Schlatt groaned, the sound of his vibrating phone stirring him awake. _6 AM? Who the hell is calling me at 6 in the fucking AM?_ He picked it up, then realized it was a facetime call. He looked like shit, literally not even just rolling out of bed.

“Hey Schlatt!” Wilbur’s bubbly voice came out of the speaker, and his fluffy head appeared. “You look like hell man,” he laughed. Schlatt just rolled his eyes.

“You woke me up,” he grumbled, voice deep with grogginess. “Of course I don’t look good.”

“Aw I’m sorry,” Wil frowned, tilting his head playfully. “Well you can go back to bed soon sleepyhead. I have something to show you first,” his other hand reached for the phone, flipping the camera. It took a second to focus, and Schlatt squinted.

“Oh shit, is that a plane ticket?” Schlatt suddenly felt more awake, sitting up. “You booked a flight?” He heard Wilbur giggle as he turned the camera back around to show his giant grin.

“Yep! Got everything settled!” He sounded so happy. Schlatt was certainly happy too, though... it had an edge to it. Anxiety bubbled in his chest, though he smiled to the camera.

“Damn, guess I gotta start cleaning up the place,” Schlatt laughed, scratching his chops as he thought about all he had to do to get ready. “How long are you staying?”

“Three weeks.” Schlatt blinked. That was quite a long trip for the first time seeing each other.

“Are you... sure about that?” He couldn’t help but question the man. “What if you’re uncomfortable? What if you get homesick? What if we _fight_ or something?” _What if I say the wrong thing?_

“Relax, Schlatt!” Wil laughed at the string of questions. “It’ll be fine man. I’d rather be there too long than not long enough.” His smile was driving Schlatt crazy. He hoped his blush wasn’t showing too much on the camera. “I’ll be there in a week, you got time to prepare. Looks like you need it,” Wil laughed, an amazing sound. “For now you should get some sleep. You look like a corpse. Though a little redder.”

Schlatt quickly said bye and hung up, maybe a little too quickly. There was no way he would get sleep now, his nerves lighting up his body. One week. That’s all he had. To force things away or come to terms. Thankfully the house didn’t need much preparation, because Schlatt almost never left his office... grocery shopping was a must of course since Schlatt ordered food just for himself so often.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair as he slipped out of bed. This was going to be a long week. Physically nothing would happen. Emotionally, everything would happen. Either Schlatt admitted he had a _crush,_ or he would... get over Wilbur. He raised an eyebrow at the thought. There's no reason to _get over_ Wil, unless he did have a crush. He groaned at the realization. _Yep, it's a crush._

Now he just had to make sure he didn't ruin their friendship. Three weeks seemed like an eternity. Wilbur would come and go in the span of a month. This was the first time Schlatt actually... _loved_ another man. It wasn't just a fling. No one night stand, this was a three week march.

He decided to stop thinking about it. Time to get prepared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading if you're seeing this! I know this ship can get a little controversial, so here's just a sweet hurt/comfort of my current RPF favs.  
> Next chapter will be from Wilbur's perspective, with some heavier themes.  
> C y'all then ;]


	2. Chapter 2

Wilbur was alone.

He never really considered himself to be an extroverted person, but after so long locked in his home, with only limited contact with the outside world, he would give anything to see a familiar face. COVID-19 was sweeping the globe, a viral apocalypse causing so many deaths. And Wil was rightfully terrified. He kept safe, making sure he didn’t do anything risky, possibly exposing himself. But that meant he was alone. He didn’t realize he would have so much trouble being alone.

Wilbur had experience with isolation before. He would be lying to say he hadn’t. But it was never to this extent. Anxiety and his mind occasionally kept him trapped inside his home, sometimes even preventing him from talking online. Mental illness wasn’t something new to him, it was like an old friend. A terrible, toxic old friend. And now, being  _ forced _ into isolation was causing that old friend to breathe down his neck again.

It wasn’t that obvious at first. He continued to be active online, in his community. He streamed regularly, recording with his friends. Slowly though, some began to notice. He was tired, barely active outside of video, and often drunk. He couldn’t keep a bottle of wine in his house for more than a week before it was completely gone. His closer friends were the first to say something. Phil, ever the father figure, shot him a few concerned Discord messages first. But Wil wouldn’t answer them, at least not the way Phil wanted him to. 

_ I’m okay, I’m alright.  _ Some of the most familiar words in his vocabulary. It was obvious he wasn’t though. There were often times he forgot what day it was, or forgot if he’d eaten, or forgot to check his messages. Everything was becoming sort of a blur, and Wil needed to find a way out of it. So he started talking to someone else. Schlatt.

They had lighthearted conversations, most of it just filled with jokes and laughter. They talked late into the night, which the American didn’t mind. Schlatt was a good friend, always seeming to give Wilbur enough space, but also always being there if he was needed. They just clicked, their way of communicating just lining up. Hours of phone conversation, then hours of silence, then a few exchanged memes, and then they would call again. It was perfect for Wilbur, looking for an escape from his monotonous life. 

And then, one particularly late night, he let his walls down. He felt exhausted, and sentimental. Out of nowhere... he had an idea. So he asked Schlatt if they could meet. Schlatt seemed very shocked, probably not knowing that he was Wil’s closest friend right now. Every other friend he had... started ghosting. But Wil needed someone. And Schlatt made him... comfortable. Made him feel like he belonged. 

So he made plans. Staying in America as long as he could. Away from the home where he had been trapped. To the side of his best friend. It made him nervous, but mostly relieved. He would finally feel free, away from this place where nothing felt real, just endless cameras and recording and voice calls. 

But Schlatt seemed nervous too. Wil would be lying if he said he hadn’t picked up on that fact. The usually confident American had sort of panicked at Wil’s request to visit, which confused him. His first thought was concerns about the virus, but that never seemed to be a problem with Schlatt. One of the first things they agreed on was getting tested multiple times before they came together. So it must have been something else Schlatt was worried about. Maybe it was the fact that he hadn’t had a guest in a while, or maybe he was feeling something similar to Wil... Either way, Wilbur would be there soon, they already solidified everything. Hopefully everything turned out okay.

Wilbur did plenty of preparation, packing his suitcase with enough clothes, making sure he had cash to exchange currency... but something in him still felt unprepared. It wasn’t a discomforting feeling, just a strange one. There was something he was missing, but he couldn’t place what it was. He had all the things he  _ needed,  _ he even made himself a  _ checklist _ because of the strange feeling he was getting. He just shoved the feeling away as his departure creeped closer. He could keep track of the days like this, with something to look forward to. He set alarms on his phone, to slightly fix his scuffed schedule. It was a good thing, helping him out a lot. 

About a day before his flight, Wil got a call. Schlatt was ringing him on Discord. Wil blinked, not expecting it, since it had been a few days since they called. Wilbur had somehow gotten himself caught up in things, pre-recording videos and packing, keeping track of the days. He clicked the button to pick up the call, and Schlatt’s happy voice came out of the headphones.

“Hey Wilby!” Wil chuckled at the nickname.

“What’s up, Schlatt?” His voice was small, since he hadn’t used it much today, but he made sure to sound happy.

“Just checking in on you, how’s prep going?” Schlatt’s voice had a slight edge to it, but Wil couldn’t place what it was. It seemed these days, Wilbur had a hard time placing feelings. They were just on the tip of his tongue, but never coming to his mind.

“Good,” Wil smiled. “I’m pretty much done already. Just kinda waiting for the date.” He thought about what else he had to do and, yeah, it was just kinda waiting. “I can’t wait to see you Schlatt.”

“Oh, uh, me too,” Schlatt answered. His voice seemed anxious, which caught Wilbur’s attention.

“You alright Schlatt? I know you called to check on me, but maybe I should have checked in on you,” Wil laughed to diffuse the tension Schlatt might be feeling.

“Yeah, yeah sorry. It’s like what you said I think, quarantine getting to me,” he chuckled softly, causing Wil to smile. He loved when Schlatt laughed like that. 

“That’s alright, Schlatt. I’ll see you soon, okay? Then we can chase the COVID blues away together,” he joked, his smile audible through the call. 

“That sounds great. By the way, did you announce this trip at all? Because I didn’t and I wasn’t sure if you were going to-'' Schlatt started ranting, and only stopped when Wil couldn’t help himself but giggle. “What?”

“I didn’t Schlatt, and I don’t think I’m going to. This is just for us Schlatt, it’s not a business trip,” Wil laughed again.

“Yeah, yeah, I mean, people like us usually do,” Schlatt laughed back. “I’m sure the fans would love to hear about it. But I mean, I prefer if it’s like you said. Just for us.” Wil could hear the smile in his voice.

“Awesome,” Wil sighed contentedly, leaning back in his desk chair. “Man I’m so glad that there won’t be any airport madness.” That got a good chuckle out of Schlatt, which made Wilbur’s face light up.

“That’s great Wil, I hate that shit,” Schlatt laughed again. 

“You have a great laugh, Schlatt,” Wil thought out loud. He didn’t know where that came from but... hey, it fit his flirty character. Schlatt was quiet for a while. “Shit, sorry, too far?”  _ Why would that be too far? I’ve said worse. _

“Uh, no, sorry, just wasn’t expecting it,” Schlatt chuckled, quieter than before.

“Alright.”  _ That was weird.  _ “Well Schlatt, you got anything going on? You wanna play some games?”

“No, sorry,” Schlatt answered quickly. “I was just checking in with you, talk to you soon, okay?”

“Okay...?” Wilbur watched as Schlatt’s icon left the call. Schlatt was... acting different. It seemed like just a few days ago he was fine, but as soon as Wil ordered the ticket... things changed somehow.  _ Does he...? No, there’s no way. He wouldn’t.  _ Wilbur just hoped he could help, whatever the issue was. 

Pushing away from his desk, Wil glanced at his phone again. His notes app was open, his checklist of items all squared away. For some reason, the feeling that he had was still there. He was missing  _ something.  _ But he didn’t know what. He knew it couldn’t be physical, because of the checklist, but...

He shook his head, standing up. He needed to take a shower, he decided, so he grabbed his towel, ready for a nice long wash. Truth be told, he prefered baths, but showers were nice too. And they had a secondary effect for Wilbur. They helped his thoughts flow. So he got it, letting the hot water encompass him as he tried to jog his clustered mind. 

He thought about Schlatt, the trip to come. He thought about how this came to be, what spurred him to book the trip so quickly. And he thought about what he was missing. The shower worked it’s magic, letting his head unscramble everything.  _ What  _ was _ that sinking feeling?  _ Suddenly, it came to Wil.

_ Shit, do I  _ like  _ Schlatt? _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyyy chapter two all done! im really shocked at how much attention this has gotten already, kinda scary 0_0 anyway, the chapters after will likely take longer and longer, because the first two were written in a day each, and i want to spend more time on them. thank you all for the kind words so far, and i hope to see you guys back here soon ;D


	3. Chapter 3

It wasn’t hard for Schlatt to spot Wilbur in the small crowd of people at the airport. Understandably, there was almost nobody there, and Wilbur’s mop of brown hair was easy to see over the heads of people, since he was taller than most. 

Schlatt's heart fluttered as Wil’s eyes met his own. Even under the mask, it was clear his friend was grinning as he walked up to Schlatt. “Finally here,” Wil spoke quietly, in that deep ‘offline’ voice of his. Schlatt was glad for the mask covering the blush on his cheeks. He cleared his throat, trying to keep his cool persona.

“Hey Wilbuh Soot,” Schlatt joked, mocking the brit’s posh accent. Wil just playfully hit Schlatt with his elbow, rolling his eyes. The little bit of contact felt like a spark. Like a little smoldering ash, warm enough to sting. Schlatt found himself missing it when it was gone. “Did you get your baggage?” 

Wilbur laughed. It was like a song in itself. “Yeah, all in here,” Wil pointed to his head, rolling his eyes with a smile. “No, dumbass, do you see a suitcase with me?”

“Oh fuck you,” Schlatt laughed, realizing his mistake. “Sorry, guess my nerves are fried from seeing your pretty face in person,” he joked. Flirty jokes were their thing, right? Hopefully Wil knew he was joking. Or tried to joke. 

“Oh, swoon over me later,” Wil laughed again. Seems like he took it lightly. “Come on, we gotta grab my stuff,” Wil took Schlatt’s hand briefly, leading him over to the luggage area. 

The touch burned. It made Schlatt feel like a pile of tinder, ready to ignite. Wilbur would burn him. Leave him as a pile of ashes. And Schlatt would rather it be that way. Because ashes couldn't be burned again. His little crush would be fulfilled, and there would be nothing more. He wasn't  _ in love  _ with Wilbur. He kept telling himself that.

Wil was waiting as the suitcases circled around, a conveyor belt of strangers’ things. Wilbur spotted his bag, and grabbed it. It was small, the only real identifying factor being a plastic tag on top. “Are you sure you packed enough?” Schlatt hummed, looking at the suitcase with curiosity.

“Yeah, probably,” Wil chuckled. “You have a washing machine, right? And It's not as if we’ll go out a lot.”

“I guess that's true,” Schlatt smiled, though Wilbur wouldn't be able to tell. “Let's get out of here, huh? I'm sure you're tired.” Wilbur shrugged, but followed Schlatt's lead as they walked towards the parking lot. 

“I got some sleep on the flight,” Wil noted, but yawned nonetheless. “It was nice and quiet for once. I guess that's a perk of the apocalypse.” Schlatt chuckled at the joke, and pointed out his car as they reached it. 

“Well I'm making you nap anyway. You sound exhausted. We can play shitty Wii games after,” Schlatt opened the door to the passenger side with a smile, holding it for Wil. His friend looked confused for a second, before he looked in the car, and remembered that was the passenger side, not the driver's. Wil laughed at his own mistake, getting in the car. When Schlatt entered the other side, Wil continued.

“Maybe you’re right, I should nap. I’m so jetlagged I forgot I was in America for a second,” Wil smiled. Now that they were in a closed space, Schlatt removed his mask. Wilbur followed his lead, breathing a sigh of relief. It took a lot for Schlatt to not blush furiously, seeing the full view of Wilbur’s face.  _ God I’ve been too lonely.  _ Schlatt chuckled out loud at his own thoughts, gaining a raised eyebrow from his friend.

“Sorry, guess it’s a bit odd seeing someone’s entire face in person,” Schlatt chuckled, starting the car. Wilbur hummed in response, not sure what to say. They sat in silence on the drive to Schlatt’s house, Wilbur watching the new sights go by the window as he tried to keep his eyes open. When they pulled up to the house, Schlatt chuckled softly, noticing that Wil had dozed off, his head against the car window. Schlatt woke him up gently, patting him on the knee. He didn’t want to touch Wilbur much. It almost hurt, how much it made him feel. 

There was a second where it looked like Wil wasn’t going to wake up, and Schlatt was debating whether to shake him, when Wilbur muttered something quietly. “‘M up. Give me a second.” Schlatt smiled, and exited his side of the car. He would get the suitcase out of the car for Wil, it was the least he could do. Schlatt heard a groan and popping of joints as Wil got out of the car as well. Clearly, it wasn’t that comfortable of a sleeping position. There was a red mark on his forehead, from where he rested against the window. Schlatt held back a laugh.  _ Sleepy Wil is cute.  _ His smile immediately dropped at the thought he wasn’t expecting. Luckily Wilbur didn’t catch it, as he turned to view Schlatt’s house. “Not bad.”

“Thanks,” Schlatt said with a light sarcasm, unlocking the door. “Make yourself at home,” he pointed around, giving a mini house tour. “You should just go to your room and nap for now. I know it’s a lot,” Schlatt chuckled. Wilbur just nodded, too tired to make a joke back, and grabbed his suitcase. Schlatt heard him flop onto the bed faintly, and guessed that he didn’t even bother to change out of his clothes. The thought caused Schlatt to laugh again under his breath. He could handle himself for a few hours while Wilbur caught up on sleep. He plopped on the couch, ready for a few episodes of whatever dumb show was on.

A few episodes turned into a season, as a few hours turned into several. Schlatt was slightly concerned.  _ Was Wil not sleeping well?  _ He knew Wilbur stayed up late, talking to American friends, occasionally, but also knew the dude liked to sleep in plenty too. He just assumed Wil’s sleep schedule was backwards, like so many people who made their living online. Schlatt just let the guy rest, guessing he must have needed it. He was a little sad they hadn't hung out much yet, but Wilbur’s well-being came first. 

At around 11:00, Wilbur came out of the guest room. He was indeed still in his clothes, and he looked like a vampire, albeit one with fluffy brown hair covering his face. Schlatt laughed quietly from the couch. “Morning sleepyhead. Did you catch enough Z’s?” Schlatt pat the couch next to him.

For some reason, Wilbur hesitated. Schlatt couldn't see his eyes under his hair, so he couldn't place the expression his friend was making. “What time is it?” Wilbur croaked out in his tired voice.

“10:56. That’s almost 11 hours of sleep. You feeling better?” Schlatt looked at Wilbur with a mix of concern and confusion.

“Oh that makes sense. I guess I didn't realize it was that long. I thought you were drinking at like two in the afternoon,” Wilbur laughed nervously.  _ Oh yeah. _ Schlatt had almost forgotten about the half empty beer in his hand. He shrugged in response.

“Yeah no it's late. You can have one if you want by the way, there's an open pack in the fridge.” Wilbur nodded, though he seemed nervous about it. “What's mine is yours Wilby,” Schlatt smiled. Wilbur brushed his hair out of his face and rolled his eyes at the nickname. He headed to the kitchen and Schlatt heard the fridge open as Wil grabbed a drink. He wasn't gone long, and returned to the living room, sitting beside Schlatt on the couch.

“So, you said we could play shitty Wii games,” Wilbur looked at Schlatt with a mischievous smile. “I bet I could beat you.” Schlatt laughed.

“Yeah right! Good luck even beating the CPU man! I don't know how they ever thought these games were good for kids!” Schlatt stood, booting up one of the terrible games he bought second hand at Gamestop. It was some sort of party game, with different mini games played in a fast paced action. It was so engaging, they didn't realize how much time had passed.

Soon, the pack of beers were gone, Schlatt checking the time as he grabbed the last one. “Damn it's three already?” Wilbur laughed.

“Well shit, I'm not tired at all. For obvious reasons,” he laughed again. It was nice when he laughed like this, not leaving anything back. Just a joyful noise, loud and clear. Schlatt found himself just staring at Wil’s smile. Wilbur didn't even notice, just lounging on the couch. He looked pretty drunk, his face bright red, with pupils so large only a small ring of color could be seen around them. 

Schlatt sat down next to him, switching the Wii over to the cable box. It seemed Wil wasn't in any shape to play more rounds, but he whined as Schlatt turned the game off. Schlatt just laughed. “Let's just chill out, alright?” Wilbur looked like he was about to protest again, but just nodded. They sat there in silence for a while, Schlatt flipping through channels as he couldn't find anything that interested him. 

After a while, he stopped on some sort of game show, deciding that would be entertaining enough. During a quieter commercial, Schlatt swore he could hear Wilbur say something, so he looked over.  _ Shit. _ Schlatt must have been too drunk to notice that Wilbur was crying. He turned down the volume on the TV, turning to his friend, or crush. “Wil? Wil what's wrong? Can I help?”

Wilbur looked up at Schlatt with wet eyes, a tear falling from his cheek as he turned his head. “Help,” he said quietly. So quietly. Schlatt hugged him, and Wilbur hugged back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> boo cliffhanger! anyway, heres chapter 3! next chapter is gonna be really heavy, so keep that in mind <3   
> sorry it took so long to update, ive been busy QwQ hope you all enjoyed though


	4. Chapter 4

Wilbur wasn’t even that drunk.

He was known to hold his alcohol, drinking obscene amounts in a single sitting without so much as a slurred word. But it was different now. It was different  _ here _ . He was with someone he already felt vulnerable around, someone who made it hard to keep his guard up. Someone he didn’t want to keep his guard up around. He wanted Schlatt to break down his walls, wanted him to see him for who he was. So it wasn’t that hard to just let the tears flow for once. 

Wilbur would be lying if he said he didn't enjoy the look of concern Schlatt gave him, the comforting, shaky hug. It had been so long since he opened up in person like this. It had been so long since he let himself  _ feel  _ like this. He tended to push things down, or bottle things up, ignoring how he truly felt and catching himself in false realities. Anything to avoid his own emotions. But for once he was facing them. For once, he would let himself feel. And Schlatt would help him, he would feel too. They would share it, save Wilbur from going too far. From drowning in the emotion that he bottled away, pouring them open into a sea.

“Fuck, I’m sorry Schlatt,” Wil laughed sadly, through sniffles. It was his first night here and  _ already  _ he was breaking down. He hadn’t meant for it to go like this. But Schlatt found his weakness, without knowing. Everything felt loose on alcohol, his walls easily crumbled. There was a reason he drank. Destroy his inhibitions, destroy his spiraling thoughts, even just temporarily. But this time Schlatt was there, stepping through the ruins, finding the real Wilbur on the inside.  _ Who was the real Wilbur?  _

“It’s okay, I don’t mind. I’m glad you’re here, I’m glad I can help you,” Schlatt rubbed Wilbur’s back comfortingly. Wilbur had stopped crying, but his body still shook as the aftermath of sobs went through him. He just felt stupid now. Stupid and exhausted, as the anxiety and sadness left him. His arms went limp in the hug, and Schlatt slowly let go, looking at Wil expectantly. “You want to talk about it? I’m here to listen.”

God, Wilbur felt  _ stupid.  _ He and Schlatt were good friends, they were  _ amazing  _ friends, Wilbur felt like Schlatt completed him. But he felt stupid. Depending on Schlatt like he was a child having a meltdown. He should be over this. He had felt numb for so long, that the smallest bit of emotion felt overwhelming. Wilbur almost forgot where he was, staring at the ground as he let his thoughts spiral, as he focused on the feelings sweeping through him. How long had he been sitting here? He noticed Schlatt was still looking at him, causing his anxiety to spark up again.  _ What does he expect?  _

“Sorry. I just...” Wilbur took a shaky breath. He was supposed to talk, right? He was supposed to ‘let it out’ as they said. But he wasn’t entirely sure how he felt, how to articulate it. “I’ve been alone Schlatt,” that would suffice as a beginning, a single feeling. “It’s... not just the quarantine I guess, the social distancing. I’ve been alone, not just physically, but it feels like  _ online  _ too. I know I have friends, I  _ know  _ they’re  _ real,  _ they’re  _ there. _ But... I don’t feel real. I’m not the person they think I am. I’m  _ not  _ their friend. They’re my friends. I know them. But they don’t know me.”

As he spoke, Schlatt just nodded. He didn’t say anything, occasionally just humming when Wilbur paused. It drove Wil crazy. He was so  _ good,  _ such a nice person. Even though he just basically said he wasn’t his friend. Schlatt just listened, keeping his distance. 

“And I guess I just don’t feel real in general,” Wilbur continued with a sigh. “Days blur together as I just do the same thing over and over and over. I’m tired. I’m so tired all the time. And people will pretend to understand. I say that I’m depressed, that I’ve been ‘down.’ And people pretend that they know me, that they  _ know  _ what I’m going through,” Wil stopped, slumping against the back of the couch to indicate that he was done.

“Do you  _ want  _ someone to know?” Schlatt said after the pause. Wilbur... wrung his hands, feeling the anxiety rise again. 

“No,” Wilbur answered, not taking long to think about his response. He had thought about it before. “I don’t, not really. Maybe my friends, but never my fans,” he laughed softly. Schlatt nodded, and Wilbur looked up at him. There was a moment there. Wilbur felt... strange doing this. Talking about it. But clearly, Schlatt understood.

“Well I’d always love to know the real you Wil,” Schlatt smiled, playfully punching Wilbur’s thigh. “I get what you mean though. Maybe too well. Hopefully we can both get to know the real... eachother,” he laughed awkwardly, knowing his sentence didn’t exactly make sense.

“Yeah,” Wilbur smiled brightly, roughly wiping the rest of the tears from his face. “I’d love that, Schlatt. Or should I say...  _ Jon,”  _ Wilbur laughed, the clear sound dissolving any tension left in the room. 

“God, no, no,” Schlatt laughed. “The real me is still Schlatt, Wilbur,” he smiled though, knowing it was just a joke. He stretched with a yawn, glancing at the clock in the corner of the TV screen. “Damn, I’m tired. Sorry Wilbur. I’ve uh... never been quite good at comforting people. Hope it was... alright? I guess?” 

“Yeah, it was good Schlatt, don’t worry about it,” Wilbur gave Schlatt a soft smile. It certainly was good, better than Wil expected. “Why don’t you get some sleep, big guy?” Schlatt chuckled at the nickname. “I’ve gotten enough, but I’ll be fine on my own, alright?” Schlatt nodded, letting out another small yawn. He stood, going away to his room. “Good night, princess,” Wilbur teased, but he could  _ swear  _ he saw Schlatt blush at that. Schlatt mumbled a goodnight back, before shutting the door.

Wilbur smiled to himself softly once Schlatt was out of sight. He wasn’t far from sleep himself, honestly, even though he had gotten so much sleep today already. Pushing himself to his feet, he picked up the bottles from around the couch, cleaning up after their small party of two. Sometimes he cleaned to keep himself busy, to distract himself so his thoughts didn’t spiral too far. But this time his thoughts weren’t dark or depressing, they were... hopeful. He stopped in his tracks on the way to the kitchen. Raising a hand to his face, he realized he was blushing, and not just from the drinks.

That dumb feeling in his gut rose again. His stupid crush. Wilbur sighed, putting the bottles beside the sink before retreating to the guest room. Schlatt was just  _ nice. _ He was just nice, and good looking, and he  _ listened.  _ Getting ready to sleep, he couldn’t help his thoughts, overwhelmed with the ideas. Maybe he was just jealous? Wilbur... Wilbur didn’t like men, usually. He wasn’t opposed to it of course, clearly not, with how many men he flirted with. And he would never deny them if they flirted back.

Flopping onto the bed, he pulled out his phone, cursing under his breath when he saw the numerous ignored messages. He read them of course, just... didn’t respond. He couldn’t, not when his head was so full. He might end up talking about something he wasn’t ready to. So he just pulled up some music on Spotify. It took him a while to settle on a playlist. Was he still sad? Was he... pining? He just settled on his discovery playlist, letting the tunes carry him away. Away from his tangled thoughts, his brain that was close to bursting. 

_ You never lifted your voice _

_ You never raised your hand _

_ I only show you my inhuman _

_ You understand _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops its been a month... sorry this was a hard chapter to write! hope you guys enjoy and hopefully it doesnt take forever again for the next chapter xC


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